I sit down to my usual breakfast in the bright yellow walls and pastel furnishing of Nice’s hostel once more. This afternoon I would be happy to see the coast line from the heights of Easyjet’s window seat, as I travel back to London for Christmas. But this morning I am content to arrange my edible affaires: the unremarkable and pale corn flakes, the tea and orange juice, the blueberry and cranberry single-serving jams, and large pieces of white baguette. To my surprise, James walks around the corner with a slightly fatigued gate and stops mid-way as we smile at the circumstances of reuniting. We had said a final goodbye in Avignon over a week ago.

Since that time, I have questioned both my purpose here and my resolve to continue, only to find my motivation lacking. I have felt stupid for not understanding my loneliness and throughout, I have wondered with whom I have been fighting. Living in my desire to be somewhere else, my distress continued to hide itself as the surface of a mirror: it is lost in movement and action but revealed in the stillness of self-reflection.

I was forced to wait and watch this weather of the mind. Its passing did not leave the destruction I silently foretold. Instead, the weight and torrent of its ripping strength pruned as a gardener would an overgrown plant in winter. It was a cleansing pain that spread like the chill of the wind for a man underdressed. James told me that he admired my feet more than me: They invited this possibility for growth. And now, we spoke with equal words of a mutual understanding in a popular street-side cafe over an expensive hot chocolate. We shared poems and thoughts and smiled at the contradictions inherent in language’s endeavour to describe itself. Our parting this time was filled not with the discontent of my embarrassment, or the frustration of fruitless questioning. We said goodbye with the gentleness of old friends.

Richard gets lei-ed New Year’s Eve in the centre of London

I could not hide the relief that I felt as I boarded the plane back to London and family.

Tags: travel